Tag Archives: time

What cleaning my deck taught me

We had 2 days of sunshine this week. I mean, finally we had TWO full days where it was dry and the **SUN** was out!!
At first I questioned whether it was real or not after weeks and weeks, months and months of rain, cold and grey. Oh the Grey. It is so draining, so dull, so unhappy.

I found myself pulled to go outside, to just sit in the sun and soak in some sunshine. Every part of me felt relief, joy and realised a deep need to have some sunshine. To be outside. To feel. To be.
Then I started to see all the jobs that needed doing. Oh dear, what a mess the garden was in. So unloved, untouched for so many months. Battered and bashed from the weather. Worn out, needing attention, maintenance, needing care.

So, slowly I started, cleaning one pot that used to have plants, after another. Moving things, cleaning, resorting. And resting. Lots of resting in between.
I had no plan but just did one thing, then another. Just one more thing.
You see, sometimes, it’s nice not to have a plan. Nice to just be and do what you want to in the moment. Nice just to do the amount you want to, then rest. OMG, it was SO nice to rest – in SUN!! Did I mention the sun was out?
I even ended up jet washing our deck, although by this time the grey was back but it was still dry (as in no rain, I was soaked after the jet washing lol)

It struck me though, in cleaning the deck, there was so much disruption to everything else; the table and chairs had to be moved, pots that gifted us with beautiful foliage and bloom last year needed to be moved. This was not easy as some of the pots were big and heavy – or am I just unfit and weak?
Broken things such as my home made wigwams, lights, pots had to be taken down and binned. Remains of plants had to be pulled out of the soil in surrounding beds and put in the compost. Then, and only then, when the deck was clear, was I able to get to it to clean it. And I’m embarrassed to say, it was filthy, maybe two years worth of dirt, ingrained and now part of the deck, cleaned away.
And I couldn’t do it quick either – it wasn’t a half an hour job. I had to clean it in the right way, the jet wash hose just the right distance away, cleaning each little area until all the dirt was gone before moving onto another area.
I had to have the right gear – flip flops and flimsy trousers were not right might I add, I was soaked and covered in dirt, got cold (but a warm bath soon sorted that)
Nothing has been put back yet, and today it’s raining (boo hoo!) but the sense of achievement was great and there is a feeling of progress, knowing each little thing I do will bring me to the end result of having a nice relaxing space to sit and enjoy the garden, sun, nature and connect with loved ones.

I feel this is could be a process in the counselling room. That initial feeling of ‘I need to get out there’. ‘I need’.
Then the feeling of overwhelm of how much needed doing. There was so much, where to start? Some start by just tackling one thing at a time. One thing they are able to face, challenge and process for now, to the depth they can cope with. And each thing brought up it’s own issues; what needed to be ‘weeded out’ and discarded? What was broken and could it be fixed? How? Then there are the emotions that come up with each step of awareness and realisation; anger, fear, pain, sadness.
And this can’t be rushed either, it needs to be done at the pace it needs to be done at. With support, motivation, encouragement but at the pace that is achievable.
Then bigger things come into the room when the ‘little’ things have been looked at; things that are equivalent to the deck; something from childhood? A relationship? Loss of self and who you used to be. Big things.
This can’t be rushed. There could be years and years of ‘dirt’ on this deck. Are the right tools available? Is everything working ok? Have you been practising enough to put into place? Do you know the right distance? Is there a strategy?
And then you start cleaning the deck, slowly, bit by bit. The emotions come, some wanting to protect you, some showing you what you need to face, some helping. Anger, Pain, Embarrassment, Shame, Fear
This takes time. As much time as it needs.
But even when the deck is clean, what are you going to put back? What is the final result you are going for? What is the life you want for You? What are the feelings you want in your life? What connections do you want in your life?

Like I’ve said before, I take a lot of inspiration from gardening and nature and the biggest lessons I always receive?

It takes time
Everything needs to go at it’s own pace
Rest and relax
Keep in mind what you are aiming for
Just do one thing

Not bad lessons for life, eh? Have a good Saturday <3

Perfect vision

They do say hindsight is 20/20 and almost everyone I know does this; We look back at the past and we beat ourselves up with the most commonly used words, ‘I should have known better’.

So many of my clients say this to me, ‘I should have known better’, or ‘It was my fault’ and there is great difficulty in forgiving themselves.

How do we start to turn this around though? How do we start to feel better about our regrets from the past?

Of course it’s easy to look back, knowing the full impact of decisions and events but at the time, you only know what you know. (you know!)

In any moment in time, we can only do the best we can, at that time. Perhaps we are tired, exhausted even. Perhaps we were rushed, or we reacted and it was all just too overwhelming.

The only way to let go, is to acknowledge you tried your best at the time, you know now what would have been better BUT at the time you didn’t. Perhaps you will do things differently but the main thing is to realise that because of what has happened, you are wiser and you know more. Some call this life experience and we do learn the most from mistakes and bad situations.

You couldn’t have known better because you maybe didn’t have that particular knowledge at the time.

Remember, you are always doing the best you can (taking into consideration all the drains on you) and you can’t know everything. Trust yourself and your instincts, learn to be your own best friend and talk to yourself to meet those needs no one else can meet and learn from bad situations.

Turn your ‘I should have known better’ to ‘Next time, I will know better’.

Breathe, be in the moment and forgive yourself.

It’s ok to let go and move on.

It’s ok x