Tag Archives: self love

Relationship with food

“I hated my body. I hated me. I used to cry myself to sleep most nights. I fell into the deepest, darkest depression and I was so lost and lonely. I avoided mirrors, hated it whenever we needed to go out because things simply didn’t fit anymore. I didn’t want to see anyone, because all the other mums looked like they had it together, they were coping and looked great. They’d gone back to pre-pregnancy weight and shape. To lose my weight, I started skipping meals and only eating chocolate or puddings. I was horrible though, so grumpy, shouty, snappy. Eventually the weight did come off but looking back I can see what a damaging way I treated my body.” Words from a client

What is your relationship with food and your body? Do you skip meals to lose weight? Or eat for comfort?

Our relationship with food is one that some of us don’t even think about or we obsess about it. Our relationship with food is extremely complex, some of it from our childhood, maybe even from when we were weaned onto solid food. It is sometimes the only thing we feel we can control but it has also been used to control us.

With my busy clients, food seems to be the first thing that goes, simply ‘forgetting to eat’. Or scoffing down comfort, high energy, low value food while feeding others well. Or with those who are feeling low, there is simply not the interest.

Where would you start with trying to sort out your relationship with food though? This is something so ingrained in you and you have your default reactions and actions, habits difficult to break.

I would say self compassion and self love which in itself isn’t an easy step to take. If you do see yourself as someone to take care of and love, the first question would be, “What would you like to eat today?”. Use that gentleness you would use with your best friend, your child and start to look after yourself.

Not eating well contributes largely to our mood, so it is a good place to start. If you’re struggling with this, as many of us do, please seek support. You’re not alone in this xx



Time for you

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In recovering from my own depression and seeing clients taking this on, has proven to me this is an essential part of maintaining good mental health. All too often we are so busy doing things for everyone else, we forget to look after ourselves. We all work so very hard all year then maybe, if you’re really lucky, you get 2 weeks a year off.
I’m going to suggest a new way of being if you’re up for it;

How about having a little ‘holiday’ every day?

Can you even imagine that? Resting when you need to, doing something fun every day, creating a life that you actually want and makes you feel amazing in yourself. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

All this can be achieved from simple time management.
Maybe you are already really organised but have you allocated time just for you? As in actually blocked out time, like a doctor’s or midwife’s appointment? An appointment for you?
If you create space to spend time just with yourself, you will be able to stop, breathe and look at the bigger picture of your life.

Are your needs being met? If not, which ones are not and what can you do about it?
Are you getting enough rest? Especially important if baby keeps waking you in the night. Also, don’t forget, we need more rest at a time of change / transition as we are learning new things and our brains are working harder as you think about new things and take them on.
Are you playing enough? Are you doing things that keep you, YOU? What fun things can you do, by yourself and with baby (then maybe with other loved ones)

Use a diary and block time out when you need or want to do things.
If you get overwhelmed at the amount of things you have in one day; spread it out over the week. Still overwhelmed, spread it over the month. Ideally, just have one ‘thing’ to do a day and you can build on it. Remember not to beat yourself up if you achieve nothing. Self compassion, remember!

You will not forget appointments this way, you will take away that feeling of not having enough time, of not having enough hours in the day. Instead, this will help you feel calmer and actually show you how much you are coping with and managing.

By managing your time, YOU can create the life you want. YOU book in what you need, YOU can say no to things that do not serve you.
YOU are in charge of your thoughts and feelings, your actions, your appointments. Your appointments in  your diary will show you what you are giving time to, what you are seeing as a priority and stop the feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and get rid of that ‘I don’t have the time!!’ feeling.

Self Compassion

Image result for self compassion

Self compassion
I am going to make the assumption that you are the kind of person that is probably very hard on yourself, right?
You get annoyed and frustrated, maybe even out right angry, at yourself if you don’t do things right or if you keep getting things wrong.
Going one step further, I bet you tell yourself off lots too using the following type of language;

“You’re so stupid! You should have known better!!”
“Look at all the jobs you haven’t done!”
“You’re so useless sometimes”
“You don’t deserve ______________” (fill in the blank)

Write down 5 things you say to yourself that you would NEVER EVER dream of saying to someone else:

How do you feel having written these down? What reaction do you think you would get from, for example, your best friend if you said the above things to them?

Spend a few minutes jotting down a few words here:

If your Self talk is as bad I think it might be and what you have said to yourself, you would never say to anyone else, I want to ask you,

“Why is it ok to talk to yourself like this?”

Self compassion is the one, most important wellbeing practice that few of us do. What we tell our minds, we believe. Our words turn into scripts and these stories determine what our lives become.

In our everyday lives, there will always be people who are quick to judge us, tell us off, criticise us, block us, hinder us, hurt us, damage us and so on. So what do we do? We join in with them! We’re not even on our own side, we don’t even support ourselves. If anything, we are harsher to ourselves than anyone else is.


You now have a little person in your life now who will change absolutely everything. You have a new identity now and I bet you, your life will not be the same again.

What we forget is that change takes time.
When you started school, you had to learn to be away from home, learn to be in a classroom, learn to learn, learn to be with other children etc.
When you started driving, you took lessons, had practice drives, did a test and still you continue to learn.
Maybe when you started a new job, you had an induction, settle in time, things were explained to you, your manager guided you, maybe you had a team to support your work, maybe you were given a desk etc.

Think of a time of change in your life that you have gone through.
Was it difficult at the time?
How did you get through it?
How did you cope?

Having a baby and embracing your new identity as Mum is the same and self compassion will be your best tool to start with.
Self compassion simply put is being nice to yourself, supporting yourself, being kind and caring towards yourself.

So next time you start the negative self talk, think how you would talk to your best friend, your partner – or your new baby.

After all, you wouldn’t tell your new baby off for not running a marathon right now would you?

Take the time you need, the space you need and give yourself the care and kindness you need during this time of change.

Permission to say NO

Boundaries are the most difficult thing to put in place with those around you. For so many years, you have been allowing things to go on as they have been, unquestioningly accepting the conditions, obligations and pressures that have been put on you.

But are you happy with this? How do you feel after you have been with someone who drains you? Takes your energy from you? Doesn’t listen to you and expects you to do as they say?

Ok, maybe these questions are a bit extreme but do think about those around you and how you feel after being with them. It doesn’t matter who they are, treating someone well is treating someone well. Only you know who you need to put boundaries up for; your mum? dad? siblings? particular friends?

And you know something huge?


It really is! The people who expect you to be a certain way will find it difficult to accept at first but if they are deep and unconditional connections, they will learn to accept it and learn to respect those boundaries you are putting in place.

Say NO when you feel pushed into a corner to make a decision
Say NO when you are being asked to do something you are not comfortable with
Say NO when it feels like it is too much emotional, energetic or financially expensive.

You are allowed to have YOUR voice and it is important.
YOU are important and valuable and you have the permission you need to say NO to whatever makes you feel less than you are, makes you feel uncomfortable or obligated.


To you, Mum

To the mom hiding in her bathroom, needing peace for just one minute, as the tears roll down her cheeks..

To the mom who is so tired she feel likes she can’t function anymore and would do anything to lay down and get the rest she needs…

To the mom sitting in her car, alone, stuffing food in her face because she doesn’t want anyone else to see or know she eats that stuff…

To the mom crying on the couch after she yelled at her kids for something little and is now feeling guilty and like she is unworthy…

To the mom that is trying desperately to put those old jeans on because all she really wants is to look in the mirror and feel good about herself…

To the mom that doesn’t want to leave the house because life is just too much to handle right now…

To the mom that is calling out for pizza again because dinner just didn’t happen the way she wanted it to…

To the mom that feels alone, whether in a room by herself or standing in a crowd…

You are enough.

You are important.

You are worthy.

This is a phase of life for us. This is a really really hard, challenging, crazy phase of life.

In the end it will all be worth it. But for now it’s hard. And it’s hard for so many of us in many different ways. We don’t always talk about it, but it’s hard and it’s not just you.

You are enough.

You are doing your best.

Those little eyes that look up at you – they think you are perfect. They think you are more than enough.

Those little hands that reach out to hold you – they think you are the strongest. They think you can conquer the world.

Those little mouths eating the food you gave them – they think that you are the best because their bellies are full.

Those little hearts that reach out to touch yours – they don’t want anything more. They just want you.

Because you are enough. You are more than enough, mama.

You. Are. Amazing. 💙💚

– Anonymous –

Photos never taken

Isn’t it funny how we are always smiling in our photos? When someone brings out a camera and points it at you, the most natural reaction is to Smile!

It is interesting that we have this need to record only happy moments. We want to look back and see our photo albums full of joy, closeness and love.

It’s not always the case though, is it? We have moments when we have huge emotions covered by a smile. Do we even acknowledge half the emotions we have? Or do we brush them under the carpet and sit on them because we are not ready to face them?

There are so many things thrown at us in life and I wonder how many of these things we actually deal with? Our feelings are not just in our minds, they are all of us, physical and mental. Positive emotions have great effects on our bodies just as the negative ones have negative effects.

So how about, as you go through your day observe what emotions you are feeling. Give it a week. Just observe without comment or judgement.

Then as you observe more, move into recording. If you feel sad, take a self portrait. If you feel angry, take a self portrait. If you feel happy, tired, grumpy…you get the picture. (excuse the pun)

You don’t have to look at these straight away but in time, set aside some alone time and put the photos together. You can create a collage, write the emotions you are feeling over the photos, display them as you want.

Have a think as you look at the photos:
What caused you to feel that particular emotion?
Was it because what was happening at the time, or did it remind you of a similar situation it the past?
How does it feel looking at yourself having different emotions?
What do you want to offer the YOU in the image during the emotion? (Words, hugs? etc)

Learning what we are and who we are is an important step to learning how to love ourselves. These photos of learning our emotions can help you learn the triggers and causes of emotions and in turn help you cope through the hard times and enjoy the good times.

Good luck and let me know how you get on x

Love your body – Step 7; Self portrait

This last exercise is a very simple one; I want you to take a photo of yourself. Simples 🙂

You can direct someone else to take the photo for you but make sure they are only pressing the shutter and not influencing your choices in the process. If you do not like the way you look, please still do this exercise. There comes a time when you put your trust in others and the time has come now. You are in a safe place where your efforts in capturing yourself will be appreciated and treated with respect.

You decide where and when, what you wear, your expression, what you’re looking at and if you are with anyone. This is your chance to spend time thinking and looking at yourself.

You have full control on how you want this self portrait to look but you have to park any emotions for now and you only get one go at taking the photo.

So if you take it and you think; oh I don’t like my hair in it, I look fat etc just sit with it. Accept it as it is. If any emotions come bubbling up or negative thoughts, stop them for the moment. Just see the image you have created as an image.

Let it just BE. Just look at it. Accept it.

You don’t have to love it, or hate it, be proud of it or want to hide it. It is simply a photo of yourself that you have created. Nothing more, nothing less.

Looking at your image, for one moment forget that it is you in the picture. See the person as someone else. Ask these questions out loud and write down the answers. If you find it easier, you can record them and watch your responses which will give you more of an insight to your emotions. Get into the moment and go with the first answers that pop into your head. That’s your subconscious talking to you.

Now think of the answers to these questions:

Who is the person in the image?

What are they doing?

What do they need to say if they could talk?

What is obvious about the picture?

What 3 things do you like about the image?

What 3 things do you NOT like?

Who would say these things? Where did you first hear that voice? Whom did it come from?

What or who is missing from the picture?

If you were to going to give this picture to anyone, who would it be and why?

Who would you NOT give it to and why?

When making this image, did you have someone in mind?

Did your answers surprise you? Is there anything new you have learnt about yourself?



Love your body – in 7 steps

“I personally feel a lot of our body issues are projections of things going on in our minds. Because maybe we cannot understand or accept them, we project them onto our physical being to gain some control.

There is no magic cure on how to love your body but what I am offering you here, with these 7 steps, is the chance to change your mindset, to see things in a different light and to explore yourself and hear what the real YOU wants.

I know it’s not easy when life gets in the way or you find that you haven’t got the time, or sometimes you simply haven’t got the emotional energy to do any more.

But what is the alternative?

To continue to feel rotten when you can’t find anything to wear? Not looking people in the eye when you walk past them worrying that they’ll notice that one thing you are really worried about? Or maybe you don’t even go out anymore because the effort to cover up all those things that are wrong with you is just too much? Or you simply cry yourself to sleep every night because you just hate your body? Maybe you feel you don’t actually deserve to love your body or you don’t feel you deserve to love yourself?

This is your life and if you need permission to allow yourself to do this, then I give it to you. There comes a time when enough is enough, to stop the emotional roller coaster you are on and take a break. So make some regular time for yourself and tackle these 7 steps to finding your body confidence.

You have been given one life and you are in control of it. You and only you can decide which direction to take, even if that means a whole new path in life. You know what? You are worth it and you deserve it 😀

It is scary trying to do new things, but I promise you these exercises are not scary and are so simple to follow. You just have to allow yourself the time and space to go through the process, hear your inner voice and be honest with your answers. You will be able to learn so much about yourself, things you have forgotten and things you haven’t realised yet.

This is a safe, secure space where no one will judge you and you can finally be the YOU that you want to be.

Doesn’t that sound good? Are you ready for the first step?

First step will be published tomorrow 🙂

Self Compasssion

From a young age we are taught to think of others and to be kind. Has anyone ever taught you to do this for yourself? I bet you that you are the kind of person who puts everyone else’s needs above yours, that you are so kind and caring everyone comes to you for help. I bet you encourage those around you and build them up when they are down.

In the same breath though, I bet you don’t do any of these things for yourself, do you? I bet you are pretty hard on yourself and you are always telling yourself off, right? Your self talk is very negative and you put yourself in your place;

“I should know better!!!”
“I am so pathetic”
“I’m such a looser”
“[add what you say to yourself]”

Why on earth do we do this to ourselves? Why do we think everyone else is more worthy, more able, more capable, better, wiser, MORE.

Well, this stops today!!!! From when you read this email, you will change things because my dear friend, you are worthy, capable, better, wiser and ENOUGH.

Trust me, I know 😀

So where does self compassion come in?

The easiest way I describe it for it to really work is to imagine your best friend or child or person you love and give so much to is going through what you are.

What would you say to them?
How would you help them?
How would you be with them?
Talk to them?

Act towards yourself as you would towards them.
Talk to yourself as lovingly and caringly as you would talk to them.
Be with yourself as you would be with them.
Use positive and encouraging words to yourself as you would them.

Does that make sense?

It really is that simple.

By doing this, you will start to learn to accept yourself and if you don’t, in time you will start to like yourself.
You will build your self worth and grow in self esteem and confidence.
You will not feel lonely because your best friend is right there within you.
You will always feel loved.
You will be comforted.
You will always feel like you belong.

Now that sounds like a step towards happiness, don’t you think?