Tag Archives: Recharge

‘Me’ time isn’t a myth

My clients hate it when I say this to them. When I ask them about ‘Me’ time, they look at me like I’m talking a different language or offering them something alien.

Do you remember a time when you had time for yourself? Maybe not practically but time in your mind to think, to form a sentence (something I struggle with as a mum, for sure!). And when we have some time for a break, a breather, what do we do? Rush around doing all the jobs we have to do to feel a teeny bit of satisfaction and achievement that never comes.

Let me ask you this. When you say you have ‘no time’ to take out for yourself and recharge, what are you actually saying?
There is time for work, the kids, the washing, ironing, cleaning, dusting, reorganising your sock drawer, watering the dead plants, but no time for you.
So you’re saying you come below the dead plants? That is your level of priority?

You, who holds it all together, who is CEO of the house and family. YOU.
Below the dead plants and socks?

There is no judgement here but come on!! You are so worthy and valuable but you can’t see it.ย  We’re taught as women to be ‘Good’ which seems to encompass looking after everyone – BUT not at the detriment of your mental and physical health. We can of course look after others, but you don’t have to do it 24/7, every second of the day. And you certainly don’t need anyone’s permission to take a break or feel guilty about it.

I’m sure many of you have heard about the plane safety procedure of putting on your own oxygen mask on before anyone else’s in case of an emergency. And how many of us panic when our phone batteries need charging and we can’t find a charger?

How can you make time for yourself though?

  • Set aside 10 minutes a day just for you. Sit and do nothing. If your mind is racing, let is race, don’t judge or react to the thoughts, let them flow past like you would if you were sitting by a river.
  • Be mindful when you do things. Instead of rushing, take your time and use all your senses; what can you hear? see? smell? feel? What are you saying to yourself? Is there anything that is so heartwarming you’d like to save to memory?
  • Set clear boundaries. If you need time, make sure others know not to disturb you. It’s ok to want privacy when you go to the bathroom you know ๐Ÿ˜‰
  • Be your own best friend. You know when you are tired, so why keep pushing? Be kind to yourself and acknowledge all you’ve done, then be gentle with yourself and say what you would to a friend, ‘hey, did you want a cuppa and a five minute breather?’. It’s a start ๐Ÿ™‚
    Why bother with all this though? Creating time for yourself will help you be clearer about your life, where you want to be and where you’re going, about YOU. It helps you feel in control, less stressed and more able to cope at what life throws at you.
    Quite a lot of value and reward for a bit of time for yourself, don’t you think?

How to get off the hamster wheel

Photo by My Name on Unsplash (unsplash.com/@zimbahcat)

Photo by My Name on Unsplash (unsplash.com/@zimbahcat)

Is it just me or do you sometimes feel like you’re on a hamster wheel? Running so fast, doing so much but it’s never ending, there’s no rest.

We all do it, I’m sure. We’re almost designed to live like this in this modern day society. I guess it’s ok to some extent, you get so much done, right? But are you able to come down from the adrenaline rush? From that panicky feeling of ‘so much to do’?

You see, we do need a bit of adrenaline to wake us up, to be with it, to keep up but are we able to realise when we’ve had enough and need to slow down again?

If we keep going at the fast pace we go at, this high level of adrenaline, of stress, becomes our normal. We we into the habit of fire fighting, of being on high alert, of reacting. We carry on like this until we burn out, after all, we are only human and have our limits.

How do we get off the hamster wheel though?

Priorities; look at what is important. What needs doing NOW, what can wait, what can be delegated. We try to fix it ALL right this moment, do it ALL at once but trust me, we’re not meant to live like this on an organismic, species level.

Time management; ok, that sounds really officy and businessy but it’s true. If we manage our time and tasks, we can manage our stress levels and anxiety. What would help you? Writing out all you have to do in a planner? A diary? Maybe seeing it all in black and white, assigning times to tasks will show you that actually, you do have time, you don’t have to rush.

Signs; I didn’t realise I had anxiety for a long time and it got so bad to the point that I couldn’t eat from feeling nausea from the nervousness. Now, I look out for early warning signs so I can put in my coping strategies. I tell you, it really helps!
Where do you first start to notice the stress in your body? What outside factors cause you stress? How do you react? Do you push through or stop to listen to what you’re trying to tell yourself?
Some say they get headaches, stiff necks, a tightening around the chest, raised heart rate, butterflies in their tummy – so many physical signs. Where do you feel it first and how does it escalate?

Self compassion; I bet you guys are sick of me saying this as I think it must be in almost every post but yes, self compassion.
When you start feeling stressed, what do you say to yourself? Only you can give yourself permission to stop, to get off the hamster wheel and take a breather. Only you know when you need to do this. Are you gentle with yourself or do you beat yourself up, ‘You’ve still got loads to do, don’t sit down, lazy cow’….or worse?
I know it’s not easy if you’ve got little kids or caring for an elderly relative or someone with a long term illness but that’s all the more reason to be extra compassionate and go easy on yourself. Give yourself the permission you need to rest.

Rest and recharge; getting off the hamster wheel means stopping that panicky, rushed feeling inside you but what do you need to do to stop this?
Different things work for different people. Some listen to a song, 3 minutes to lose yourself completely is pretty achievable – and fun! Some have a nap, full on shut down and recharge and some can nap for 5 mins. Power naps, I think they’re called. Some play, losing themselves in pottery, painting, drawing, knitting, sports.
What would work for you? When was the last time you felt rested and recharged and what did you do? It can be a whole range of things with a range of times but do remember, it’s important.

We are trained from a young age to go on our hamster wheels and keep up with society’s pace but I am telling you now, you don’t have to. Neither do you have to beat yourself up if your pace is different. Look at how much you have going on, I bet it’s a lot; be it looking after or supporting others, living with an illness, coping with a trauma, you are doing a lot!

Go easy on yourself though. Some fear they have anxiety disorders or fear having a breakdown. Use this as your motivation to change things.
Cars break down don’t they? But we do our bit to maintain them, keep them clean, put fuel in, service them, replace parts etc. It is the same for you. Learn strategies that will help make things easier for you, to maintain your stress levels.

This is your life and you’re in charge. Doesn’t matter what others around you can cope with or don’t get stressed about. If you’re feeling it, listen to what you’re saying to yourself and please, look after yourself.

Time for you

Image result for time for you

In recovering from my own depression and seeing clients taking this on, has proven to me this is an essential part of maintaining good mental health. All too often we are so busy doing things for everyone else, we forget to look after ourselves. We all work so very hard all year then maybe, if you’re really lucky, you get 2 weeks a year off.
I’m going to suggest a new way of being if you’re up for it;

How about having a little ‘holiday’ every day?

Can you even imagine that? Resting when you need to, doing something fun every day, creating a life that you actually want and makes you feel amazing in yourself. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

All this can be achieved from simple time management.
Maybe you are already really organised but have you allocated time just for you? As in actually blocked out time, like a doctor’s or midwife’s appointment? An appointment for you?
If you create space to spend time just with yourself, you will be able to stop, breathe and look at the bigger picture of your life.

Are your needs being met? If not, which ones are not and what can you do about it?
Are you getting enough rest? Especially important if baby keeps waking you in the night. Also, don’t forget, we need more rest at a time of change / transition as we are learning new things and our brains are working harder as you think about new things and take them on.
Are you playing enough? Are you doing things that keep you, YOU? What fun things can you do, by yourself and with baby (then maybe with other loved ones)

Use a diary and block time out when you need or want to do things.
If you get overwhelmed at the amount of things you have in one day; spread it out over the week. Still overwhelmed, spread it over the month. Ideally, just have one ‘thing’ to do a day and you can build on it. Remember not to beat yourself up if you achieve nothing. Self compassion, remember!

You will not forget appointments this way, you will take away that feeling of not having enough time, of not having enough hours in the day. Instead, this will help you feel calmer and actually show you how much you are coping with and managing.

By managing your time, YOU can create the life you want. YOU book in what you need, YOU can say no to things that do not serve you.
YOU are in charge of your thoughts and feelings, your actions, your appointments. Your appointments inย  your diary will show you what you are giving time to, what you are seeing as a priority and stop the feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and get rid of that ‘I don’t have the time!!’ feeling.

Be Selfish

Yes, that right, I said selfish. Now this word has been used in a negative way for such a long time, I want to give it a new identity.

Think of the safety advice you get when you are on an aeroplane if there is an emergency;
“Put on your oxygen mask on first before you help others”.
Well, you wouldn’t be much use to anyone trying to put a mask on them if you are passed out now, are you?

Same goes for life. If you are running around caring for everyone else and keep putting your needs last, what is going to happen to you? If you are doing so much that you are constantly anxious and exhausted, something has got to give. Do you really want the thing to give out to be you? Then who will care for those around you?

Being selfish means taking time out to recharge, to fill your cup, to breathe in that oxygen and fill your lungs. Being selfish means you are in a much better place to be able to be there for others from a place of love and giving rather than exhaustion and resentment.

So have a think about what recharges you, what do you do that looses time where you are having fun and reconnecting with your inner self?

I’ve had a mix of examples for this;
having a candle lit bubble bath with loud music
going for a walk
playing a game
sitting doing nothing

What do you want to do that you have been wanting to do for ages but have never allowed yourself to do? I now give you permission if you need it.

You are allowed to put yourself first. Actually, you HAVE to put yourself first if you want to be happy. Oh, and a bonus of doing this exercise? In being happier, you will find others around you will be happier too.