Tag Archives: overwhelm

On becoming a Mum

Many of my postnatal clients experience a huge panic when they become mothers, the pressure of parenthood overwhelming and crushing them and they respond by becoming depressed.

When we work through things, what comes to the surface is interesting; their own experiences in childhood come back and their relationships with their parents, mostly mothers, is weighing heavy on their minds.

Becoming a mother is a massive step into adulthood and many feel it is a right of passage, an initiation to finally being a grown up. But what doe this mean for their relationship with their mothers? Are they still children? Does the relationship need to be redefined as they are now Adult and Adult and not Child and Adult?

And what of mothers who clients do not feel where there for them and feel their emotional needs were not met? How can they be good mothers if they were not shown by example how it is done? But worst of all – what if they pass on the behaviours they struggle with to their children?

In these situations we look at the here and now; you are the mother now and this is your child. This is your little family and no one can come in between that. Boundaries need to be set to ensure this which can then bring up issues of self esteem and confidence about standing up for yourself.
You can choose how you parent and create your own positive habits that you can pass down to your children. You can use this time to learn how to change and live in a more authentic way, more you, true to you and your heart.

It is difficult but childhood experiences do stay with us and have played a part in forming who we are today. Again, in therapy, you can change this and learn a new way of being, learn to give your child-self what it needed, learn to let go and learn to live congruently as an Adult now.

I feel that a new situation does bring about a new identity; the old you is destroyed to some extent and many seem to feel like they have lost who they are. When things are broken, it is a good opportunity to remake it but without the parts you didn’t like. It’s a chance to start fresh, a clean slate.

And new mums, don’t forget, you don’t have to do this all in one go. You have time, perhaps think of your new identity as a mum as your child. There is lots to learn and you can’t run before you can walk (or crawl!). Baby steps, New Mum, you will get there but take it a little baby step at a time.

We are not taught how to take care or manage our mental and emotional needs but there are strategies and tools to help, which you can develop and change to suit your specific needs and way of being. And just think, as you think of new ways, what wonderful things can you pass down to your children?

And if you’re struggling, you know where I am. You’re not alone and I’m here to help <3


Antidote to Overwhelm

I often get quite exhausted by life and the pressures society puts on me, and I’m sure you’re the same.

Why do we get so tired? So exhausted?

I have a theory; you see, I think we spend too much time in the detail of life and all the things we have to do. We go from one thing to another, probably without any breaks, running at 100 miles an hour on what feels like a never ending list of to do lists.

We end up overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, tired, fed up, low, depressed.

What can we do to stop this?

Look at the bigger picture. Imagine you had a photograph in front of you, now imagine going in so close that you can only see one item in the photo. THIS is what we do in life, we concentrate so hard on one area in our life, taking on each little detail and this one area takes over our whole lives.

Now imagine that same photograph and imagine looking at it all, whole, the bigger picture. You can see there are different elements to the photo, light and dark, maybe different colours. There is so much to take in when looking at the whole photo but this is important too.

In our modern lives we spend so much time focusing on the details, we need to regularly take a step back, breathe, see the bigger picture and review things. Then we can dive back into the detail and carry on with our lives.

We need to step back to make sure we are heading in the right direction, we are being who we want to be, need to be, we are raising our families with core values and ethics and deep connections.

We need to step back to make sure we breathe, rest, appreciate how far we have come, what we have achieved and think of the next steps to take.