Tag Archives: counselling

Why I don’t ask “How does that make you feel?”

Ok, I do ask it at times, I won’t lie but it is such a stereotype, isn’t it? I have heard a few people laugh saying it must be easy to sit there getting paid to ask, “How does that make you feel?” in response to everything a client says.

For me, this is basic counselling, counselling 101. In training, it’s almost the go to question when you can’t think of anything else to ask. For sure, there is a place for such a question, as with reflecting and all the other things we are taught. I think Samaritans actually gave us a list of was to respond to those calling and it was really helpful at the start, when I felt flustered and worried about saying the wrong thing. In my recent training I challenged myself not to ask that question and I found I worked on a much deeper level.

Now though, it’s just me. And I want to go deeper. I do want to know how it feels and MORE. What are you actually saying without words?
How does it manifest in your body, in your life?
How can you start to cope with what you’re telling me?
How can you face your feelings with the right tools?

This is why I have found the counselling world so limiting; perhaps because when training there is a certain element of being stuck at ‘text book’ stage but then steps have to be taken to own what has been learned and use all the skills to ensure the client benefits the most. Sort of like you have lessons to drive a car but then you learn to Drive.

I do work in a very unique way and first and foremost I make sure my clients have the right tools. I wouldn’t have sent my kids out in the winter without a coat, hat, gloves and the right shoes, so I would not expect my clients to face difficult feelings without tools. (Which we work together to figure out what will work for you)

I’m not going to be a scary counsellor so get rid of that stereotype out of your mind. I put you first, and I care, from deep in my heart. I don’t want you to struggle on your own because I know what it’s like. I also know that each and everyone of us has got the answers within (cliche I know!) but like a jigsaw, you just need a bit of help piecing it together.

This is YOUR journey and I want to be the one who help you, support you by holding a safe space for you, and helping you figure out things YOUR way.

So tell me, How does that make you feel? 😉


One as part of a greater Whole

I feel exhausted.
You see I’ve just had a session with my counsellor. Yes, even counsellors have counsellors.

You see, we are all human and we all have things happening in our lives. The biggest thing I have learned is that accepting help and support from others is part of self care. Where do we get this idea from that we have to do it all on our own anyway?

It is exhausting talking about your inner most feelings and fears but after the exhaustion comes a sense of relief and a feeling of lightness from sharing the load.

As a counsellor myself, I can hear what I’m saying and I can logically see what I need to do. As a person though, I have accepted there is an emotional side of me that needs to be heard.

And seeing someone who is trained gives me the safety and confidence to know nothing hurtful will be said, especially about my depression like ‘you’re being too sensitive’ or ‘your just wanting attention’. Or my favourite, ‘how can you be a counsellor if you have depression’.

Receiving help and support is a tough step to take but trust me, having the help and support there is helping me be the person I’m meant to be, unapologetically and is giving me the strength and ability to support others.

Quite beautiful when you see it that way, supporting each other to be our true selves. Being human and being part of humanity as we were meant to be <3