Tag Archives: abuse

What is your Inner Truth?

When working with a coach a few years back, I learned a very important lesson; my Inner Truth.

I imagined I was a solid, big tree that was well rooted and had big branches full of greenery. When the wind would blow, the greenery and branches would sway in the wind, bending and moving so breakages would be minimal, although sometimes some branches would break. The big, solid trunk would not move though, and the wind would have to go around.

This solidity is how I imagine my Inner Truth. An immovable force, deep within me, made up of a knowing that has come from years of evidence gathering building my confidence and self worth.
I know I am good with people, especially in sessions
I know I have a lot of love to give
I know I’m not perfect but love myself anyway
I know I can support myself with loving self compassion
I know I can be lovingly assertive
I know I am held by gravity on this earth, safe and secure
I know as long as I breathe, I belong to humankind and am part of the world

Storms will come and go, the world is harsh, we get hurt. There will be winds, snow, rain, sun and everything in between. There will be a lifetime of experiences but my Inner Truth will be strong while my branches will be as flexible as needs to be to let storms pass though.

I love this comparison because it helps me to get through hard times, knowing my Inner Truth can’t be changed because I have collected my own evidence to build my confidence. It doesn’t matter how others judge me, or what they say, I know my Inner Truth.

Do you want help finding out your Inner Truth?
Let’s connect and let me help you by planting seeds which you can develop and nurture, let us collect evidence together, giving you the confidence you crave and let’s build your Inner Truth.

A non post about Momma

“Those friends who have had lovely, gracious, supportive mothers – how I envy them. And how odd that they are not bound to their mothers, neither phoning, visiting, dreaming, nor even thinking about them frequently.
Whereas I have to purge my mother from my mind many times a day and even now, ten years after her death, often reflexively reach for a phone to call her.
Oh, I can understand all this intellectually. I have given lectures on the phenomenon. I explain to my patients that abused children often find it hard to disentangle themselves from their dysfunctional families, whereas children grow away from good, living parents with far less conflict.
After all, isn’t that the task of a good parent, to enable the child to leave home?”
 
By Irvin D Yalom, ‘Momma and the meaning of life’
 
Why have I chosen to share this with you today? More and more I am seeing a pattern emerging from my New Mum clients. A pattern I am keen to investigate and explore to understand at a deeper level.
 
When a woman becomes a mother, her own experiences with her own mother seem to come to the foreground and all sorts of emotions and fears come up;
 
“I don’t want my child to feel the way I did”
“I don’t want to pass on these family beliefs”
“I don’t want to be like my mother, I need to be better for my child”
 
So much is thrown under the microscope and there is that panic and anxiety of where to begin, fear of hurting and damaging this new being like you have been.
 
So what jumps out for you from that passage from Yalom’s book?
His difficult relationship with his mother still haunts him, even after her death. Her voice still so powerful in his mind.
He is still seeking her approval, knowing he will never get it.
He is a trained professional and KNOWS intellectually but emotionally, he still has to go through a process of ‘purging’.
Perhaps it isn’t just the mother, he does also talk of dysfunctional families, perhaps is our ability to cope with our experiences from those first relationships?
 
It also makes me question what abuse is. We are gaining more knowledge of emotional abuse but what comes under that label?
 
A mother is the first person we form a relationship with and I hear from my clients that intense pressure to get it right and not harm their new babies. But surely in simply being human we are going to make mistakes? Mistakes that will be internalised and perhaps haunt our children for their life times?
 
Then there is the last sentence ‘task of a good parent is to enable a child to leave home’. Now that resonates not only on a professional but personal level too, as a mother and a daughter.
 
What makes a good parent (that eternal question!) and is it to enable our children to leave home, in all senses?
To teach them all they need to know to be able to stand on their own? Physically, emotionally and mentally?
 
I fear this most is more questions than answers and I haven’t got the answers, which is why I’m putting it out to you, trusting in the process; what did you get from that passage?