I am sure you have heard of a body detox? Well, we are going to look at detoxing our minds.
I believe one of the main reasons we as women are in such a state about our bodies is because we are mean. Now, be honest with yourself, think about all your female relationships, or think about when you watch TV or flick through a magazine. What goes through your mind? What do you say when you have all your girlfriends together? When you talk about other women?
“Wow, she’s put on weight!”
“She’s so skinny, that bitch!”
“She really shouldn’t be wearing ‘skinny’ jeans”
Can you add some more? Be honest, what have you thought in the past week? Month?
Now turn it around and think about what has been said to you. Take a few minutes here to jot down some hang ups you have in your life because someone has made a comment about it?
“You know you’d look so much prettier if you did your eyebrows this way” or
“Your bum looks so big in that”
Ok, maybe those are lame examples but have a think and write down some examples of your own. Now have a think who said them to you. Where are they in their lives? Do you want their lives? To be like them? Have they actually got any expertise in the area? Do they have your best interest in mind? Does their opinion really matter that much?
What have you come up with?
The point is, there are people out there who are so quick to put you down to keep you from becoming confident.
By mindlessly bitching with your friends, or at the TV, you are training your mind that it is ok to talk like that. It is ok to pick out imperfections. It’s ok because that means that person is not perfect so you can feel ok about yourself.
It’s ok to put others down so you feel ok.
Is it really ok?
We now come to the real reason why we need to retrain our minds. By talking this way about others, and training our minds that it is ok, it begs the question:
What exactly are we saying to ourselves?
You know, that voice in your head that says things. I’ll bet you that voice isn’t very nice to you, is it? You know it’s your voice and you don’t like it but you let it say these things AND YOU BELIEVE IT!
Here are some examples of what other women have said from a survey I sent out:
“I am not good enough to be part of anything and can’t do anything.”
“I am just existing and smile through the pain, living in my own personal hell.”
“If anyone else treated me I do to myself, I would take them to court for abuse and yet I feel I deserve to do this to myself.”
“I have let myself go and am not good enough to be part of society. I don’t fit in, I don’t belong.”
Write down all the things you can think of that the voice has said to you. Has the voice been kind to you? Do you like it? Can you image living life without this negativity within you? What would that be like?
Be mindful of the voice and what negative things it is saying to you. For a day or so, just notice and make notes if you need to. Notice what you say to yourself, what your friends say to you, to each other, what is said on TV, in the magazine. Just notice how much negativity is out there.
You can’t really control what other people say or do but like I said in the intro, this is your life and you are in control, and you choose what you do and where you go next.
You CAN start changing your mindset.
Every time you hear yourself being negative, say THREE nice things to counter act it.
So if you see a large woman wearing a pair of skinny jeans a few sizes too small, and you’re thinking “She should not be wearing those!”, bat that thought away with “Her hair is a beautiful colour, her eyes are full of so much happiness, she has put that outfit together so well”
Try and think of three positives to every negative and you will soon find your mind is being retrained. Maybe you will even stop thinking of negatives all together? Maybe you will start seeing beauty in all these women around you where before you only saw flaws?
Now, can you image doing that to the voice in your head? For every negative thought you have to say to yourself, can you say three nice things?
3 positives – 1 negative = 1 happier woman!
I would strongly suggest you write down the positives, or if you wish, take a photos of the positives (don’t worry if you’re not ready yet, there’s plenty of time for that). Collect these positives and look at them often, you will start seeing yourself in a new light and you will start believing how wonderful you are, and how beautiful you are and most importantly, how worthy you are.
Remember, you need to go through the process to see the results.
You can also try a Love ritual which will help you feel better about yourself.
Stand yourself in front of the mirror and say,
“I love you, you are beautiful, you have every right to have a place on this earth and you are worthy of everything.”
Do it as often as you can but promise yourself you will do it at least twice a day. Maybe when you’re brushing your teeth? That’s twice a day 🙂 Change what you say to yourself by all means, as often as you like, to suit what you need at the time, but make sure it is positive.