Category Archives: New Mum

It’s nightlife, but not as you know it

When I did the night shifts at Samaritans, it used to take me days to get back into to a good routine.

When I get disturbed at night now, I’m useless the next day!

It got me wondering how on earth did I manage with a baby and a toddler?!?! Those nights when one was sick and the other would wake. Or just get used to having a baby in the first place needing a feed every 5 mins (felt like it anyway!)

This is something we don’t seem to appreciate as new mums, as partners, as families or as a society to some extent.

We’re still expected to carry on as normal and do ALL that we did before, forgetting that simply having a baby is much more, perhaps more than everything we’d done before.

Working 24/7, non stop, very few breaks, hardly having time to even have a hot shower, hot meal or even a hot drink. And going to the loo in peace becomes a distant memory.

So you lovely mums, please don’t forget that even though it feels you’re not doing much, not managing all those tasks that were part of your unthinking routine, you ARE doing LOADS!

You’re learning a new job, a new routine, juggling new dynamics with conflicting advice, judgements and self doubt.

And looking back now with my babies 18 and 16 I find myself remembering those silent nights feeding them, when it was just us, when those heart melting smiles when they were happy to see me, when I felt pure love and gratitude.

So whatever you’re going through now, it will not last. And, luckily all those nights when we were both crying, when I felt lost and alone, like a failure, frustrated and angry…and those negative feelings seem to be dissolving, leaving snippets of beautiful memories.

You’re doing great and are just where you need to be, in THIS MOMENT in time. <3

Thank you for all the work you are doing xx

To you, Mum

To the mom hiding in her bathroom, needing peace for just one minute, as the tears roll down her cheeks..

To the mom who is so tired she feel likes she can’t function anymore and would do anything to lay down and get the rest she needs…

To the mom sitting in her car, alone, stuffing food in her face because she doesn’t want anyone else to see or know she eats that stuff…

To the mom crying on the couch after she yelled at her kids for something little and is now feeling guilty and like she is unworthy…

To the mom that is trying desperately to put those old jeans on because all she really wants is to look in the mirror and feel good about herself…

To the mom that doesn’t want to leave the house because life is just too much to handle right now…

To the mom that is calling out for pizza again because dinner just didn’t happen the way she wanted it to…

To the mom that feels alone, whether in a room by herself or standing in a crowd…

You are enough.

You are important.

You are worthy.

This is a phase of life for us. This is a really really hard, challenging, crazy phase of life.

In the end it will all be worth it. But for now it’s hard. And it’s hard for so many of us in many different ways. We don’t always talk about it, but it’s hard and it’s not just you.

You are enough.

You are doing your best.

Those little eyes that look up at you – they think you are perfect. They think you are more than enough.

Those little hands that reach out to hold you – they think you are the strongest. They think you can conquer the world.

Those little mouths eating the food you gave them – they think that you are the best because their bellies are full.

Those little hearts that reach out to touch yours – they don’t want anything more. They just want you.

Because you are enough. You are more than enough, mama.

You. Are. Amazing. 💙💚

– Anonymous –

Going up a rung

The hardest thing about becoming a mother is the realisation that you have gone up a rung.
What do I mean by that?

Well, we are children first with parents and perhaps grandparents. Then grandparents start to die and we start to have children…so we are now the parents and our parents are the grandparents.

For some of us, this new identity can be quite overwhelming, especially if we start to care for our parents. There is such a mix of emotions and we need to process. Suddenly, we can find ourselves in the middle of everything and everyone, supporting those around us whilst also working and keeping the house.

No wonder we disappear and lose our identity!

We are not children anymore and have this huge responsibility looking after another person
We are not parents yet as we are just starting out and learning
We have to learn to cope with seeing our parents getting older and their mortality coming to the foreground
We become parents to our parents which is very strange and takes a while to get used to
We are still children within but we don’t play anymore because we are drowning with all our new obligations
We try and keep everyone happy
We try and do everything, perhaps the job of 3 or more people
We don’t take time out for ourselves
We are exhausted
We are not who we used to be…

That’s a lot for one person. A hell of a lot.

Be kind to yourself and take it a step at a time. Thank you for looking after everyone else, please make time to look after yourself too x

 

Mind pregnancy

I’ve been toying with this idea for a while and feel it is worth sharing to see what you think.

The body is put under a lot of pressure when pregnant to a point where you find it difficult to walk, can’t bend over…you know the drill ladies! Then there comes a time when baby has to be born because your body can not take it.

Stating the obvious, it doesn’t stop there though does it. Birth is just the beginning and I believe you stay pregnant until the kids leave home. Maybe.

You see, my daughter has gone to University and I am realising how much of my headspace she actually has been taking up. I know once you become a mum, that you stay one for the rest of your life but I have been thinking about ’empty nesters’.

Why is it so difficult when you have a baby, then it’s difficult when they leave home. It’s because you’re still pregnant, but in the mind. Just as a baby takes up space in your belly as it grows, a child takes up headspace and sometimes the ending is not as obvious and eventful as giving birth.

So even when your baby is born, you are still pregnant. The energy used up in physical pregnancy simply moves more to mental and emotional pregnancy. So, as in physical pregnancy, you still need to look after yourself, rest but at the same time also learn how to care for your new baby.

And with each year that goes by, as your baby grows and learns to stand on their own – physically, emotionally and mentally, you eventually have a mind labour and birth.

What do you think?

 

Admitting how you feel

Image result for admitting depression

The first step to any change is awareness. If you don’t know that something is happening in you, then how do you know where to start?

If you are aware that you have postnatal depression, that is the first step. Then comes the most difficult step – admitting it to yourself!

For many of us once we realise we have depression, it can take a while to admit it to ourselves. Admitting it means we are telling the world we are not coping, we have failed, we are not good enough – right?

Not at all! Admitting you have depression is realising that your whole world has changed and that you need support. You haven’t failed and you are good enough.

We get training in everything else we do. What training have you had as a mother? And why is it assumed you will know what to do?

Depression is a signal to yourself that something needs to change somewhere, so by admitting it to yourself, and others, you can then start to receive the correct support you need and hopefully start on the road to recovery.

We don’t hesitate to seek help for cancer or diabetes – depression is no different. You have been through so much with the pregnancy, birth and dealing with a new baby. It is all a lot to take on and process and how are you meant to know how to do it if you’ve never been shown?

 

New Mum Guide

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Hello New Mum!

Firstly, congratulations on your new baby! Being a mum of two, I remember how amazed I was at being part of such a wonderful miracle and being blessed with a baby (then another).

There were other emotions too, a huge mix of emotions which I did find overwhelming. With my son, I experienced one of the worst depressive phases in my life which meant his formative years were a blank in my mind, missing out on precious memories like his first steps.

Everyone expects a new mum to be happy, and there is an element of that, of course, but what if we experience other emotions?

Fear – what if we are not good mothers?
Anxiety – what if I can’t look after my new baby?
Frustration – can’t people see I’m trying to cope with a new baby? or I don’t know what to do!?!

As well as being a mum, I am also a qualified counsellor and I have had the opportunity to work specifically with New Mums with postnatal depression (and other mental health issues) across Wychavon District in the UK.

After a year, my role ended and now I have set up on my own, I want to continue this valuable work and as a first step, this guide was born.

I noticed a few patterns emerging from all the New Mums I worked with and saw what simple practices they did that helped them cope better and actually start enjoying this time of transition and their new baby.

The way I work is to try and simplify things and work on your inner core or inner self, helping you find your own answers.  I have broken things down into 5 steps and I would recommend you work through each step as they build on each other.

I really hope this guide will help you be more confident in yourself, not only as a mother but as a person too.

Are you ready? Let’s jump in 😀

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