Category Archives: Mindfulness

Perfect vision

They do say hindsight is 20/20 and almost everyone I know does this; We look back at the past and we beat ourselves up with the most commonly used words, ‘I should have known better’.

So many of my clients say this to me, ‘I should have known better’, or ‘It was my fault’ and there is great difficulty in forgiving themselves.

How do we start to turn this around though? How do we start to feel better about our regrets from the past?

Of course it’s easy to look back, knowing the full impact of decisions and events but at the time, you only know what you know. (you know!)

In any moment in time, we can only do the best we can, at that time. Perhaps we are tired, exhausted even. Perhaps we were rushed, or we reacted and it was all just too overwhelming.

The only way to let go, is to acknowledge you tried your best at the time, you know now what would have been better BUT at the time you didn’t. Perhaps you will do things differently but the main thing is to realise that because of what has happened, you are wiser and you know more. Some call this life experience and we do learn the most from mistakes and bad situations.

You couldn’t have known better because you maybe didn’t have that particular knowledge at the time.

Remember, you are always doing the best you can (taking into consideration all the drains on you) and you can’t know everything. Trust yourself and your instincts, learn to be your own best friend and talk to yourself to meet those needs no one else can meet and learn from bad situations.

Turn your ‘I should have known better’ to ‘Next time, I will know better’.

Breathe, be in the moment and forgive yourself.

It’s ok to let go and move on.

It’s ok x

It’s nightlife, but not as you know it

When I did the night shifts at Samaritans, it used to take me days to get back into to a good routine.

When I get disturbed at night now, I’m useless the next day!

It got me wondering how on earth did I manage with a baby and a toddler?!?! Those nights when one was sick and the other would wake. Or just get used to having a baby in the first place needing a feed every 5 mins (felt like it anyway!)

This is something we don’t seem to appreciate as new mums, as partners, as families or as a society to some extent.

We’re still expected to carry on as normal and do ALL that we did before, forgetting that simply having a baby is much more, perhaps more than everything we’d done before.

Working 24/7, non stop, very few breaks, hardly having time to even have a hot shower, hot meal or even a hot drink. And going to the loo in peace becomes a distant memory.

So you lovely mums, please don’t forget that even though it feels you’re not doing much, not managing all those tasks that were part of your unthinking routine, you ARE doing LOADS!

You’re learning a new job, a new routine, juggling new dynamics with conflicting advice, judgements and self doubt.

And looking back now with my babies 18 and 16 I find myself remembering those silent nights feeding them, when it was just us, when those heart melting smiles when they were happy to see me, when I felt pure love and gratitude.

So whatever you’re going through now, it will not last. And, luckily all those nights when we were both crying, when I felt lost and alone, like a failure, frustrated and angry…and those negative feelings seem to be dissolving, leaving snippets of beautiful memories.

You’re doing great and are just where you need to be, in THIS MOMENT in time. <3

Thank you for all the work you are doing xx

Zoning out

Image may contain: 1 person, textHas this ever happened to you?
Doing something without thinking consciously about it?
You’d be surprised at how many things you can do without thinking of every single action.
But at the moment perhaps with your mental health, change in family dynamics, or learning how to be with a new baby, you’re having to think of things. Every little thing maybe.
That’s tiring right!
As a mum with grown up kids, I find a lot of things I had to think about come as second nature but it has taken 16/18 years to get to this point.
Learning to sit with uncertainty and change as the kids grow and each age brings it’s own challenges.
Learning to manage the household chores without thinking.
Learning to create pockets of rest in the chaos that is family life.
Learning to be my true self so I am proud of the reflection of me I see in my kids and proud of them
There is no rush, it’s not a race. We will get to where we want to be, sometimes we think of every step sometimes we get there zoned out <3

Going up a rung

The hardest thing about becoming a mother is the realisation that you have gone up a rung.
What do I mean by that?

Well, we are children first with parents and perhaps grandparents. Then grandparents start to die and we start to have children…so we are now the parents and our parents are the grandparents.

For some of us, this new identity can be quite overwhelming, especially if we start to care for our parents. There is such a mix of emotions and we need to process. Suddenly, we can find ourselves in the middle of everything and everyone, supporting those around us whilst also working and keeping the house.

No wonder we disappear and lose our identity!

We are not children anymore and have this huge responsibility looking after another person
We are not parents yet as we are just starting out and learning
We have to learn to cope with seeing our parents getting older and their mortality coming to the foreground
We become parents to our parents which is very strange and takes a while to get used to
We are still children within but we don’t play anymore because we are drowning with all our new obligations
We try and keep everyone happy
We try and do everything, perhaps the job of 3 or more people
We don’t take time out for ourselves
We are exhausted
We are not who we used to be…

That’s a lot for one person. A hell of a lot.

Be kind to yourself and take it a step at a time. Thank you for looking after everyone else, please make time to look after yourself too x

 

Mindfulness

Now this has been knocking around for ages and comes and goes out of fashion. I guess the term mindfulness and the fact that so many people have talked about it, has made it slightly confusing and complex. I’m here to tell you it really isn’t. Again, this is a super simple but hugely important practice to get into.

For me, mindfulness is basically being fully and completely present in the moment. It has taken a lot of practice on my part and I know I’m not fully there yet. However, I do find this helps me take time out, sort of like a little holiday, a rest for my mind in everyday life.

You can be doing anything at all and the example I like to use is driving (sorry for those of you who don’t drive!), although this can be applied to anything at all. When we drive, how much is in our consciousness? Have you ever driven somewhere and thought, “How did I get here?”. That feeling of not remembering is because you are doing things unconsciously; you are so skilled at it, you don’t even have to think about it! Does that make sense?

Being fully and completely present means you are conscious about EVERYTHING.
As I am typing this, I can use all my senses to be present;
my eyes taking in the screen,
my ears hearing the whirring of my computer fan, the birds singing outside, my breathing
my fingers touching the keys, the movement of my fingers, the chair hugging my body, the desk under my arms
my nose smelling the jasmine incense, the rain outside, my perfume
and delving deeper, my heart feeling expansive, feeling at peace

I’m not thinking about what has happened before or what will happen after this moment. I am simply and fully in this moment.

Being present will help keep you calm, will relax you, will give you a little breather in your busy life.
It will help you become more aware of what is around you and your connection with your surroundings.
It will help you notice more of what you have, of how you are.
In this moment, you are fully conscious, you are awake to all you have and all you are.
It helps put things into perspective and gives clarity and focus.

You can choose how long you want to be mindful, sometimes 5 minutes is enough to give a nice little recharge if you need it.