Category Archives: Emotions

Befriend your feelings

Feelings can make or break a situation. Things happen, events unfold, we go through processes, schedules, routines but it is the emotions we attach to ‘things’ that show their importance in our minds.

We have a birthday; we can feel happy or sad
We win a race; we feel happy
We have a baby; we feel every emotion under the sun, sometimes all at once.

Do you get what I mean?

I have been thinking about emotions for a long time and trying to figure out a way to learn to relate to them and the simplest way I thought of was to think of emotions like people and our connection with them would be like any relationship.

The kids’ movie, Inside Out does show this beautifully as each emotion is it’s on ‘person’, has it’s own traits, colour and affects us differently. Depending on which emotion, or ‘person’ is in charge, we react to situations accordingly.

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In the movie, we have Sadness, Anger, Disgust, Fear and Joy. Arguably, these are our basic emotions.

In my life and indeed when I work with clients, I try to park the emotions when trying to look at a situation logically. This is the best way to figure out how to process it and how to move forward. Then it’s a case of asking what emotions are coming up when thinking or talking about the situation.

Each emotion comes to the foreground for a reason and to find out, what the reason is, we can simply ask ourselves – or ask the emotion.

“Anger, why did you show up when I saw everyone sitting watching TV when I was struggling with the shopping?”
“Disgust, are you trying to protect me from something that will infect me and make me ill?”
“Sadness, hello again, so you’re back. What do you need me to work on this time?”
“Fear, I see you are trying to keep me from hurting myself, thank you but I’ve got this”
“Joy, the emotion I want all the time but you do need to make way for others, so I can learn about myself but so nice to see you. Yes, we are so happy when we look at all the things we are grateful for”

I see these Emotions as different parts of us, different Selves making us who we are, making us Whole.

What emotion would you add as your basic?
I might add stress, but does that come under fear, I wonder?
Disappointment? Frustration? Despair? Vulnerability? Gratitude? (is that an emotion?)
Well, I guess the movie was trying to keep it simple and it’s not easy trying to simplify something so complicated.

What emotion do you struggle with the most? What is it trying to tell you?

Don’t forget, you’re not alone. If you need support, I’m here to help you <3

Emotionally stuck

When something happens and we feel something, very rarely are we in an objective frame of mind. We react to things with our feelings and somehow, every time we have felt a similar experience, that feeling seems to come back to us; negative and positive but we seem to struggle when it’s negative.

We can get stuck in emotional memories; eg if we experience something that brings ups feelings of vulnerability and shame, we go back to the last time we felt something like that and we use those actions as a default reaction and action. At times it doesn’t matter if the experience is completely different, if those feelings come up, we seem to react the same way.

We default back to the last memory and we react. It is almost like we can understand something logically but emotionally, we are stuck.

Counselling is a great place to learn how to get unstuck and to respond in a new, better way. It takes time and patience but through simple talking, in a safe, non judgemental environment, we can look at our reactions, note the last time we felt like this and slowly change our default reactions and feelings to ones which are more in line with our true selves.

We learn what our emotions are, gain awareness of signs of each feeling and how to stop escalation and things getting out of control.
We can stop ourselves getting angry if caught early.
We can stop ourselves going into a deep downward spiral if we know what the early signs are and implement self care at this early stage, saving us a lot of heartache.

Can you think of when you feel emotionally stuck? Are patterns or habits repeating themselves that you want to stop?

Do get in touch, you don’t have to struggle on your own anymore xx