I am going to make the assumption that you are the kind of person that is probably very hard on yourself, right?
You get annoyed and frustrated, maybe even out right angry, at yourself if you don’t do things right or if you keep getting things wrong.
Going one step further, I bet you tell yourself off lots too using the following type of language;
“You’re so stupid! You should have known better!!”
“Look at all the jobs you haven’t done!”
“You’re so useless sometimes”
“You don’t deserve ______________” (fill in the blank)
Write down 5 things you say to yourself that you would NEVER EVER dream of saying to someone else:
How do you feel having written these down? What reaction do you think you would get from, for example, your best friend if you said the above things to them?
Spend a few minutes jotting down a few words here:
If your Self talk is as bad I think it might be and what you have said to yourself, you would never say to anyone else, I want to ask you,
“Why is it ok to talk to yourself like this?”
Self compassion is the one, most important wellbeing practice that few of us do. What we tell our minds, we believe. Our words turn into scripts and these stories determine what our lives become.
In our everyday lives, there will always be people who are quick to judge us, tell us off, criticise us, block us, hinder us, hurt us, damage us and so on. So what do we do? We join in with them! We’re not even on our own side, we don’t even support ourselves. If anything, we are harsher to ourselves than anyone else is.
THIS CHANGES NOW!
You now have a little person in your life now who will change absolutely everything. You have a new identity now and I bet you, your life will not be the same again.
What we forget is that change takes time.
When you started school, you had to learn to be away from home, learn to be in a classroom, learn to learn, learn to be with other children etc.
When you started driving, you took lessons, had practice drives, did a test and still you continue to learn.
Maybe when you started a new job, you had an induction, settle in time, things were explained to you, your manager guided you, maybe you had a team to support your work, maybe you were given a desk etc.
Think of a time of change in your life that you have gone through.
Was it difficult at the time?
How did you get through it?
How did you cope?
Having a baby and embracing your new identity as Mum is the same and self compassion will be your best tool to start with.
Self compassion simply put is being nice to yourself, supporting yourself, being kind and caring towards yourself.
So next time you start the negative self talk, think how you would talk to your best friend, your partner – or your new baby.
After all, you wouldn’t tell your new baby off for not running a marathon right now would you?
Take the time you need, the space you need and give yourself the care and kindness you need during this time of change.