Jessy Paston

This year has been tough as we have been going through this global pandemic and in the UK, being in lockdown.

There is a huge feeling of loss in so many areas but the biggest one I keep seeing is loss of Self. I used to see this a lot in new mums, loosing who they are as they care for the little one but this loss has now moved to many of my clients.

A lot of what we do defines who we are, creating our identity and when we lose what we are doing, we can lose who we are.
Not going to the gym or to groups
Not seeing others and feeling isolated
Not working in our usual ways, maybe even losing our jobs

Everything is online and we are loosing that in person connection, a certain detachment occuring from everying being on a screen. Oh and huge screen fatigue on top of all that.

So what are the top tips that have helped others find themselves? Please read on to find out more…

I look to my pets and connect to my wild within, asking my animal side, ‘What do we need to connect to ourselves?’

1. Create time for you.
   JUST you.
   Maybe even starting wth half an hour and building it up to a day, if you can.
   Many of us are constantly doing things for others, or doing practical things to help life to flow efficiently. We get lost in the practical aspects of life, the Doing. Of course this has it’s place but often we put our needs at the bottom of the priority list, under the house plants and dusty in some cases!!
   So creating time just for you is very important.
   This will include having strong boundaries and others respecting them and maybe having support in place so you are able to create some time for yourself.
   Book it in your diary, make it non-negotiable.
   This is as necessary as your need to breathe or eat. It is a MUST.
2. So, what do you do with this time you have finally managed to create for yourself?
   No, not jobs or ticking things off your to do list.
   This is time to reconnect to You.
   A lot of the time when you do this for the first time, there is a sense of relief, breathing space and relaxation. So maybe the first thing to do is to simply sit with yourself, hand on heart and asking the important question, ‘What do I want?’
   Many have reported the first thing they have needed to do is thaw out from the numbness they have created in their lives, a coping strategy to help them function.
   Thawing out could be as simple as sitting in the quiet, standing barefoot on the ground
   Or even simpler – just breathing
   Don’t worry if this all feels overwhelming. Most often when we stop, we can get flooded with lots of emotions and thoughts we have been going to fast to notice. Breathe through it, it will be ok.
3. Remember yourself.
   This time is for connecting with your inner self and a good way to do this is remembering what you used to do when you had fun, when you were in the flow, where you lost time and didn’t think of the past or the future.
   Hobbies are a good way to do this. Using our hands is a good way to stay present, engaging all our senses in our chosen acitivity.
   Gardening, cooking, kniitting, painting etc all things that can help. But remember this is not a chore, this is fun, playful, something that brings a smile to your heart, where you feel relaxed enough to let go and breathe.
   And where you remember You.
   The plus side is that you produce something you can see, giving a sense of achievement and a reminder that the world didn’t fall apart because you took time out for youself.
4. To keep good wellbeing,this needs to be something you do regularly. Just as you regularly brush your teeth, or wash your clothes, this is the same. A must, a foundational activity, an act of love to yourself.
   And the more you do it, the more it becomes a habit and those around you realise and start to accept your need for it.
   This connection is very important and in times of stress or chaos, this very practice will keep you grounded, help you feel confident and because you are connected, will help you know your deep inner truth.

Remember, loss of Self is when we live in our heads to much, think to much. You are there, just hidden behind the busy things we do that we call life.

If you need help with anything, or are struggling, please reach out <3